Have you hugged your cashier today?

I mentioned before that I work with the public and that I would share with you some adventures of doing so. Before I start, I want to say that I like my job(s); I do not LOVE my job(s). The work I do love is being a wife & mom. I believe that I give great customer service and I am considerate, polite and outgoing.

I have several repeat customers with whom I have a great rapport. Most of my customers are fabulous but...it seems everyday I encounter people with no manners, little courtesy, and deplorable etiquette.

My biggest pet peeve is being ignored... because the person I'm helping is chatting on their cell phone about such important topics as social injustice [i.e. her best friend slept with her ex-husband, how flaming mad she is and how she's gonna exact her revenge on the little witch... Riveting conversation!] All I can say is that I wish that the use of cell phones be banned in stores, theaters, doctor's offices, and behind the wheel. Have you ever wondered how the human race ever exist before this grand technology? And what about those ridiculous ring tones... one lady's was an ambulance siren and it rang for about 30 seconds before she finally answered her phone to tell her son what he could watch on TV until she got home.

I often get coughed on, sneezed on, frowned at, shouted at, mumbled to, belittled, and criticized. One of the things that bugs me the most is when a customer throws money at me. Or when they put their money on the counter just far enough out of my reach and ignore my open hand. But that's not as bad as when they stand there watching me, with my hand in a brace, while I not only ring up all 197 items but put each & every one of them in their reusable bags which reek of cat urine. [Um, did you know that you can wash those every now & then?] I've even had a customer chastise their shopping partner by growling "Don't do that. It's HER job!"

Yet the thing that bothers me most is when a customer coughs/sneezes in their hand while unloading their items onto counter. [Guess what, ma'am... now I have to touch all those germ-riddled things. Thanks for sharing your cooties! So do you want your 5 lb can of beans on top of your chips or on your bread?] Seriously, doesn't everyone know that you should cough into your elbow not your hand?

But it's just as bad when they bring in their child who stayed home from school with the flu or head lice, and then let them touch everything, that is after they've rubbed their snotty nose or scratched their head... Oh and then they let the child hand me their money. Whatever happened to common sense? If you're sick, stay home and ask your neighbor or husband to pick up the items you need.

Oh my, the life of a cashier... how character-building! All this and more for minimum wage & a migraine. And if you're wondering why I'm still a cashier, two words: bills & flexibility. Money doesn't grow on trees plus I can virtually make my own hours, all the while earning precious time off. I now get a little over 5 weeks of paid vacation a year... (not bad for a pion, eh?) I know there are better, more lucrative jobs out there, but for me this fits my priorities. Mom & wife 1st, public servant 2nd.

Hanna & the 7 trolls

I originally posted this on "myspace" and it bears repeating... I'll follow up soon with more Hanna horror stories but I hope this one makes you giggle under your breath...

Unless you live under a rock, you know the story of Snow White and the seven dwarfs. Well this story is about some of the people I encounter at work. There's CRABBY, LAZY, GRUMPY, SLEAZY, CREEPY, FRIENDLY and SWEETY.

The other day I met CRABBY ... She came to my lane and the first thing she says, with the most sour tone she could muster, is "Don't blame me if I have too many items for the express lane. I was shoved here by your supervisor!" For those of you who encounter CSRs at a store or market, this is the wrong way to start a transaction! Certainly bound to put your CSR in a defensive mood. Anyway, I say that I have no problem helping her and ask her to put the fragile items to the back so I can keep them away from heavy stuff that I'd be packaging first. Well did that ever set CRABBY off. She wasn't going to be told what to do and how by anyone, much less me. She grumbled and mutter about how she's never been told how to place her things and what things should be put where. Needless to say she wasn't going to heed my advice.

Instinct is to lash back and pack her case of soda on top of the lightbulbs and bread, but being the good CSR that I am I just packed everything neatly and accordingly then smiled while I thanked her for shopping at our store. End of story, right? Wrong! CRABBY went to my manager and complained that she was basically bullied by me and the next time I told her how to put her items on the counter she would have me answer to the store manager who would most certainly pull the rug out from under my job security.

Then there's LAZY. These people think that they are immune to lifting a finger no matter what. They could have 300 items in their order, but they would rather have them pile up in a crumbled heap before they would dream of bagging them. Yet they never fail to berate you about their precious items getting crushed either.

GRUMPY is a typical sort... too bitter to be bothered to (a.) greet you (b.) help you or (c.) thank you.

MEANY needs no further description. SLEAZY are those who love to thwart, cheat and manipulate the system. Most of these people buy items for thrill or pleasure rather than need. CREEPY are mostly those who you wouldn't want to meet in any alley, dark or light.

Of course FRIENDLY & SWEETY are my most favorite customers. They are a joy to wait on because they never complain and yet they go out of their way to make you feel valued.

So the next time you go to the store for something, remember to be FRIENDLY or SWEETY. Smile and be nice. Make an effort to treat your CSR with respect and appreciation because chances are they've already served the other 5 trolls that day!

My Wish for the Wall

Another one of my posts that I originally published on "MySpace". I wanted to share it with all of you. By the way... Happy Valentine's Day, friends. May your heart feel love & joy throughout the year.

I had never heard of the wishing wall in Israel until today. One of my co-workers is taking a trip to Israel and she asked me if I wanted to give her a wish for the wall. Evidently when you go to this sacred place, people write down their deepest desires, hopes, prayers and/or dreams on bits of paper, then stick them into a crack in the wall. It is believed that the wall is sacred and blessed, therefore your wish is believed to have miraculous power to come true. So although I was at work, I gave it a bit of thought and came up with this wish:

My deepest wish is that my family and children experience a long healthy life accentuated with peace, love, joy, harmony, prosperity, forgiveness, poise, loyalty and perseverance.

May they live unselfishly in the process of making a positive impact, change or difference on society and the world.

So that's my wish. I hope it, even remotely, comes true. I know about 10 years ago, that wish would have been much much different than it is today because I didn't have children then. I probably would have wished for enormous wealth and celebrity. But money and fame are no longer priorities on my list anymore. I am comfortable with the person I am without those. My children and my family are my main focus now. If I had to sacrifice everything for their happiness and health, I would do so without hesitation. The power of a mother's love is incomprehensible and invincible. And I know that I am a more successful woman today as a part-time grocery clerk & full-time wife and mother than Oprah will ever be, because I have touched the lives of my own flesh & blood.

My contribution

If you read my last post, I ended it with my personal mission statement in life: to make a difference in the lives of others!

Though my daily success in this quest may not live up to someone else's expectations, I believe whole heartily that my goal is genuine. I have often worked with the public, in some type of customer service job. It's rewarding for me to help people, whether that be providing good service or going the extra mile to ensure that their needs are met beyond their satisfaction. Being a public servant is also very frustrating; humans are not easy creatures to please and society is riddled by bullies, villains and just plain imbeciles. (but I'll save these thoughts for another post...)

Anyways back to the topic; my contribution. I believe that I was put on this earth to make a difference, to garner a change, to rally for a cause, to stand up & be heard, to question authority, to find the greater good, to be a soft place to fall, to lend an ear, to reach out my hand, to foster a giving heart, to bolster compassion, to share my message. Some may call it folly; others may deem it wisdom. But I call it a vocation.

It is our job as people, citizen of this precious earth, to be generous to the needs of others. Open your heart not just your wallet when someone needs help. All of us have a civic, moral and personal responsibility to pitch in. Whether that be jumping into a raging river to save a drowning dog, serving on jury duty, or doing your part to make someone's burden lighter.

Have you ever told someone that they have a spinach between their teeth, or a spot on their shirt? Have you ever just stood by and watched while someone committed a crime or a social injustice? Have you ever come to the aid of a total stranger, a helpless child, or even someone you dislike? Don't wait until the person next to you reacts. Be a leader. Take charge. Don't be afraid to fail. You will be reap great personal reward by demonstrating such courage.

Take a minute every day to sincerely acknowledge someone and be prepared to step in to lend them a hand if the occasion arises. Take the time to thank the people in every workplace; make eye contact, smile and be present to them (i.e. leave your cell phone and Ipod in the car). It truly does make a difference.

A Dream or A Journey...

I originally posted this piece to my "MySpace" page last April but I wanted to repeat it here for anyone who may visit my "life" via this blog. Read on then I will follow up with more later...

Every parent wants the best for their children. Since day one, we have made decisions that we believed would have the most positive impact on our life and the lives of our children. Planning, plotting, calculating, strategising, wishing, hoping, dreaming, praying for a happy and carefree existence, a peaceful and placid home, and many successful and enriching endeavors.

Life throws you so many options, choices, and curve balls that you're sometimes left second guessing the routes you've chosen. I've often wondered if I should bother exhausting myself with all the work I put in to realize a goal if, in the end, my realities fall way below my expectations.

It all comes down to the old adage about the "best laid plans"... My vision is typically much more extravagant than the end result. Yet I still dare to dream, to set my goals high and reach the pinnacle of my heart's desire. That's what I will continue to do and hope that my children will hunger for things that they might otherwise believe to be beyond their reach.

After all, the journey always begins with the first step. In my case, it's always a vivid picture of perfection. Yes, I'm a perfectionist who sometimes obsesses over minute details. But I believe that one should always strive to put their best work on the table because it's a reflection of your inner self. Be wise to the voice inside your head that tells you to never give up, never be afraid to take that first step into the unknown, and never give yourself an excuse to quit.

As did the great Martin Luther King, I have a dream... to make a difference in the lives of others.

When tragedy strikes

In my last post, I wrote a bit about a fire in our community. Well, I stopped by the house again last Friday with my youngest son, and talked to a man who was working on demolition and clean-up. When I asked where the family was now living, he gave me directions and off we went. I wasn't sure what I was going to say, but my heart told me I had to go.

I found the house and spoke to the mother of my son's classmate. She was making and fielding calls to and from various people, insurance companies, banks, businesses and agencies trying desperately to piece their life back together. I offered her a hug, my phone number and our continued support. Then I reached into my pocket, pulled out a gift card and told her that I knew she needed it more than I did. We hugged once more and then I left. But I know I'll be back because I want to do more.

You see this family lost everything. Not just their house, but their home. Plus all of their furniture, clothes, social security cards, birth certificates, IDs, bank account information, treasured antiques, a cherished pet, and various other sentimental belongings. Things we all take for granted each and every day.

Now I am trying to rally the troops to get others to provide a little extra cushion for this family. I hope that I can convince the school, or at least the 5th grade class, to hold a silent auction, a bottle drive or a "penny war" {where the kids in the school collect coins to donate to a charity} Anyways, I hope that I can start the ball rolling today, since I'm home nursing my son's enormous case of the chickenpox.

Funny how life will throw you these little curve balls, whether it's chickenpox or a fire, to get you to stop and count your blessings. We don't live in a very big house with expensive furnishings and decor, but I am grateful every day that we have a house to call home, as well as warm comfortable beds to sleep in, and hot water to bathe with. And I am truly grateful that we are all in good health.

Just yesterday as I was folding some clean towels, I was thinking about how everything we have is old and worn, mismatched and ordinary. Although our furniture is nothing to showcase, we are comfortable with it, it's what we can afford and we really don't need anything more. That doesn't mean I wouldn't want some new, glamorous furniture, especially a dining room set. But for now, we make do.

I get irritated when I hear Oprah tell viewers that they should buy new linens, pillows, mattresses, and upholstery at least every few years to prevent dust mite infestation. Well Oprah, if I had your life I could do that without worrying how to come up with the money to buy groceries & clothes, pay the mortgage & the taxes, pay for fuel & health care and all of the other things we budget for. So for now I will graciously share my furniture with the dust mites and give thanks that we have our house to come home to every day.

Note to self: stop watching so much TV.

Reach Out and Touch

Saturday January 17th was just an ordinary day for most of us. Our family went skiing in the morning and then just hung out at home for the rest of the day. My oldest son invited a friend over. We all spent several hours playing games, laughing and having fun, then ordered out for pizza. Little did we know that just a few miles away, another family was devastated by tragedy. Ironically that family was someone both of these boys knew; it was one of their classmates (and one of their school’s bus drivers, too). Fire destroyed the house, the car, a pet and everything they owned inside.

When I learned about the fire, my husband and I were preparing to bring our boys to Boston for a Bruins game, something we had planned for months and were very excited about. But in that moment, my heart grew heavy and a deep feeling of guilt about my day, my home, my family, and my life clouded my joy. Sporadically throughout the day I was nagged by sadness, helplessness and distress. I wanted to reach out and make it all better.

Later that week, as my son & I drove home in the dark from our monthly date, I showed him the house. Ever since I heard about the fire, I had frequently talked to “LJ” about how it destroyed everything this family had, yet I knew that only seeing it with his own eyes would allow him to fully comprehend the extent of the loss. I pulled into the driveway and flicked on the high beams. Light spilled over what used to be a cherished home. Now all we saw was a pile of ice-covered rubble.

He was speechless. I knew that he was holding back tears. (“LJ” is very fond of the woman who owned this house. She was his kindergarten bus driver and they still exchange many hugs, smiles & waves.) Finally he spoke and his words sent a chill down my spine. “Mom”, he said, “what were we doing Saturday when this fire happened?” I reminded him about our day. He then somberly said “ … so when B & I were laughing & having fun, D & Mrs. R were crying as they watched their house burn down!”

As a mom I know that it’s important to spare & protect my children from harm & turmoil, and yet I am wise enough to know that it is also my responsibility to expose them to things that touch their soul, no matter how difficult. This will ensure that these lessons are learned, absorbed and humanized. It is my hope that their hearts will forever be open and their hands will always reach out to those who are less fortunate.

Me, Me, Me

A small glimpse of who I really am...

I Am: sensitive, silly, passionate, scared of the dark, and a big hugger.

I Want: to have a full body makeover, starting with my ugly, stubby, thick-ankled legs. I also want to never have to want for anything...

I Have: brittle nails, dry skin, hairy legs, a gold tooth, cellulite, and a 1999 Subaru Outback Limited with heated seats!

I Wish: my hair was as blond as it was when I was five.

I Fear: snakes, guns, drowning, and being the last one left.

I Hear: SpongeBob's silly voice. (my 8 year old is obsessed with that show...)

I Search: every morning for something nice to wear, and the earrings to match...

I Wonder: how many grandchildren I'll get to spoil.

I Regret: being stubborn when my guidance counselor told me to go to college.

I Love: going to the beach, cuddling, tear-jerkers, and cotton candy.

I Always: say I'm sorry first.

I Usually: curse when I'm annoyed.

I Am Not: very good at anything, but I have decided life is too short not to try new things.

I Dance: like a nerd.

I Sing: out of tune.

I Never: have owned a dog, and probably never will. But if I did, I'd have a Golden Retriever or a German Shepard that I'd rescue from a shelter.

I Rarely: say no to chocolate. Let's face it... I rarely say no to food period.

I Cry: often... especially when I'm happy, when I'm sad, or when my heart is touched.

I Am Not Always: on time, despite my good intentions.

I’m Confused: about why the government doles out millions of dollars to people who spend it on junk food.

I Need: a haircut. And I also need to clean the house more often.

I Should: get more sleep.

You, You, You: What do your answers look like? :)

What would you do?

Yesterday we went to the resort to enjoy some skiing. It was a sunny morning and there was at least 7 inches of fresh powder. If you looked in the direction of the sun, you could see tiny snowflakes falling which looked like glitter floating in the air. Perfect day, excellent skiing.

So there we were on the lift going to the top, me with our youngest in the first chair, my hubby with our oldest right behind us. Then we smelled something weird. My son said it smelled like skunk. I noticed the two young guys in front of us had lit up; so now I conclude they aren’t smoking tobacco. The ride to the top takes about 15 minutes (if you’re real lucky) and theses guys smoked the whole time. Finally I said “You two almost done so we can breathe back here…” They nod but proceed to drag for another 3-4 minutes. Needless to say, I’m now fuming myself.

I decided that I was going to approach them when I got off the lift to let them know that if I saw them smoking anywhere on the resort again I would have them removed. So I do, but one guy starts giving me lip. What he didn't know was that he messed with the wrong mother bear! Then I tell him that I’m going to report him now.

Here’s the deal. He and his buddy were smoking either hash or pot, which means they're now under the influence and impaired. This is a family resort and they were on a "novice" mountain where the majority of people are beginners and first timers. So I felt that I needed to intervene so that they did not injure anyone (or themselves).

I don’t care what anyone chooses to do in the privacy of their own home, but when they are on the road or on the water operating a vehicle, on the slopes while skiing or riding, or in the woods while hunting then I will step up and take action against such irresponsible behavior. I hope that you will all muster up that same courage to step in and take action. It could save a life.

Honest Crap

I recently read a blog that outlined 10 Honest Facts about yourself. I hope you all expose your 10 Honest Facts somehow or somewhere, too. It really is quite liberating. Anyways here's mine:

1. Ongoing fact.
I have always lived on the East Coast and have only twice traveled to Colorado (to ski... surprise, surprise). It is my life’s goal to visit every state in the Union before I leave this earth, starting with all of the National Parks & Monuments. My goal is to retire to somewhere hot, scenic and cultured. I have currently set my sights on Arizona, but that could change as I am typically a bit indecisive.
2. Very resent fact.
In light of the New Year, I have yet again decided that it is completely pointless to make any Resolutions, knowing full well that I could never commit to keeping such empty promises or far fetched commitments.
3. A silly honest fact.
I talk in “voices” to my children & pets … a form of personification of the cartoon characters I have suppressed deep within my being.
4. Fact from the past.
I was dating a man in 1988 that I suspected of doing something illicit, so I tricked him to reveal it to me. It was my birthday and he wanted to know what I wanted, so I told him I wanted to “do a line.” He produced it, which confirmed my suspicion, and then I bent down to sniff. It was the first, last and only time I have ever done that. (oh and we stopped dating soon after)
5. Food fact.
When I was a child I hated maple syrup and strawberries… these days I smother my pancakes with both (not at the same time, though.) But the most notable fact about me & food is: I haven’t yet met a food (non-exotic, that is) that I wouldn’t try. I am a foodie to the core. That may be why I seldom loose weight and seem to gain those pounds others have lost…
6. Very Musical fact.
The band Phish is from my home state, yet I do not follow, like or even know any of their music. I do, however, like all types of music, from Madonna to Metallica, from The Beatles to The B52’s , from Journey to Billy Joel, from Streisand to Santana, from Lynard Skynard to Linda Edder , from The Tragically Hip to The 10,000 Maniacs, from Aerosmith to Supertramp, from The Allman Brothers to The Guess Who, from The Cars to The Stone Temple Pilots, from Kansas to Nazareth, from Styx to The Stones, from The Knack to Pearl Jam, from Sarah McLachlan to Janis Joplin, from Meatloaf to Creed. My list is endlessly eclectic.
7. Just a fact.
Ben & Jerry's gives their ice cream waste to local farmers who feed it to their hogs. The hogs seem to like every flavor except Mint Oreo. (I hope you all know what Ben & Jerry's is... and by the way my favorite flavor is Coffee Heath Bar Crunch)
8. Fact about me
I have always hated my Birth Day… which is two days AFTER Christmas. As a little girl, I vividly remember having presents wrapped in Christmas paper, and getting less Christmas presents than my siblings (or so it seemed). I think I was told that some of my presents were “combos” which, in effect, meant too expensive to buy for one occasion, so the money was pooled to buy it as a combination Christmas/Birthday gift. And when I got older, things didn’t change… in 1998 my husband nearly forgot my birthday and in 2006 I had to order my own birthday cake because my family forgot! And I detest the idea that I celebrate my "half birthday" in June.
9. Embarrassing fact.
So how do I admit this without blushing...? I have a potty mouth, I can swear like a sailor, and one of the curse words I use prolifically is the “f” word.
10. Strange fact.
I like snow, the deeper the better… I also like to shovel snow. And whenever I shovel, it has to be down-to-the-pavement clean. In fact when I drop my children off at school and the walkways are not adequately cleared, I feel this overwhelming urge to grab a shovel.

Am I going crazy or is it self inflicted?

This morning at 5:42 am our phone rang. Once my brain processed what the the ringing was, I immediately knew why I was getting a call at such an ungodly hour. School is closed today... much to my disappointment.

It's not that I don't want the kids home today (God knows I could use the day "off" to clean, launder and do other more glamorous household chores) but I have to work at the store today. Or so I thought! As it turns out, I am not on the schedule today (phew.. that means I don't have to scramble and make frantic calls to my friends, hoping that they will let my kids play with theirs while I earn a couple of bucks.)

But if I'm not working at the store today, what other day am I scheduled? The answer: tomorrow. Uh oh! That can't be right because I'm working at the resort tomorrow, as I've done every Thursday for the last month. So that means that on Thursday January 8th, I am on the schedule to work at 7:30 in Franklin County and 8:00 in Lamoille County. And so far, I only count one of me. So that leaves someone short.

I'm very annoyed that I made this blunder, or let this blunder go unnoticed until now. I have a pocket calendar that I record everything in, so how could I have screwed up this bad? Here's what I know: that I can only be in one place at one time, that I made a boo-boo somehow, that I am human, and that I will never make the same mistake twice. So today I will savor my "day off " and get my house in order, maybe play a game with the kids and probably have a leisurely lunch at my own pace. I'll worry about tomorrow later.

Games, games & more games

Every year my sons get games for Christmas, either card games or board game, and sometimes both.

Years past have brought us Othello, Mancala, Life Twist & Turns, Get Hooked, Scene It, Sorry, Uno, Swap, Hearts & Spades, Backgammon & Chess, Pro Draft, Mountain Climber, Quoridor, SpongeBob Life, Clue, Pictionary, Deal or No Deal, and Monopoly.

This year's new games are Apples to Apples, Cranium, Laser Battle, and NHL Ice Breaker. But the most fun games the boys have played were the ones that Santa made up for them in 2005, 2006, 2007 & 2008.

In the past it was just a simple scavenger hunt which began with an original "Night before Christmas" type poem they found on the tree. Then each rhyming clue lead them to the next until eventually they found the last present, which has always been NHL tickets.

This year was a similar game, but because the boys are getting older, the game was more challenging. It was a series of puzzles, jumbles & itty bitty brainteasers which, once solved correctly, lead them to not one but two sets of tickets to see their beloved Bruins. Santa must have known way back in September that the B's would be #1 in the East, and that tickets would be in high demand, albeit scarce, come Christmas Eve...

Oh that Santa is one smart, savvy little elf!

And in case you're curious here's a "copy" of the 2007 poem:

There’s a special surprise
I’ve hidden wisely for you.
You first must hunt skillfully
to find each lost clue.

The clues that you find
will lead you closer & then
You will finally discover
the prize at the end.

Don’t try to guess
what I’ve hidden for you…
In fact there’s not one thing,
But, in truth, there are two!

Put your thinking caps on!
The clues may be tough.
If you work as a team,
You‘ll find the right stuff.

Once the puzzle is finished
It’ll reveal a fine treasure,
which is sure to give you
much joy & great pleasure.

As usual I’ve saved the
best presents for last
And it’s better than any
from Christmases past.

It’s a known facts that
you boys love baseball
plus many other sports
played in Winter & Fall

So I’ve made a few calls
to friends in high places
to give you something that'll
put smiles on your faces.

I hope you enjoy playing
this game that I made.
It‘s sure to be the most fun
game you‘ve yet played.

And remember, good things come,
from Rome to Atlanta,
to those who believe
in the Magic of Santa…

Snow

Here is another of my literary inspiration from PPP. Today's prompt was "snow"...

Soft white petals that gently float from celestial beginnings, all spectacular thumbprints of nature's breathtaking beauty.

After jotting down that thought, I started to reminisce about the white snowy memories in my life and how much I truly do love snow. This year I've picked up a second job working at a ski resort so when the snow begins to trickle from the sky like feathers floating from heaven, I feel joy. Skiers & riders love snow and rejoice when the forecast calls for blizzards or even nor'easters.

Yet today's storms seem to produce much less snow, certainly not the volumes of snow I remember as a child. We would be buried in snow, with mounds of it piled as high as the window sills. The snowfall would often be 10 -12 inches per storm, and we had snow cover throughout the Winter and most years well into Spring. Coincidentally the biggest snowstorms here have come in March... one in that I remember fondly dropped 22 plus inches of snow! Aaaaaaaaaah.... spring skiing!

I admit that I hate to drive when the roads are snowy, but delighting in the pleasures of wintertime activities always revolves around tons of that white stuff. The more the merrier for me! So as I conclude this little perspective, I ask you to Think Snow...

The circle of life

Once again I was inspired by my friend to share a snippet of my life. This time the subject was grief.

My first real sting of grief happened just as I was celebrating a new life. It's ironic how our worlds can collide, how one day you can be filled with such joy that you feel that your skin will burst, then the next you can be brought to your knees with devastation.

It was November 9th, 1998... my very first day home alone with my newborn son. I was nonchalantly rearranging the closet while the baby lay nearby on my bed when I heard someone open the front door. My first thought when I saw my husband was "How sweet! He's come home to have lunch with us." But when he took my shoulders to turn me toward him, I saw something other than joy on his face. Finally, after a stale silence, he said my nephew was gone. "Gone? Where?" I asked. "Lisa, he's dead..."

All I remember is having my knees buckle and screaming in shock. He was only 21.

Realizing that the baby was just a few feet from me, I ran down the hall, as though to hide my pain from him. Once my husband reached me, we melted together in grief, all the while me mumbling "no, no, no, no!"

To this day I will never forget the feel of Michael's hand on my leg the last time we were together. I was in labor, and he had come to the hospital to be with me. Just before midnight he left my beside, promising me he'd be back in the morning to see me & the baby. He whispered his love to me as he softly caressed my leg. He smiled, winked and left my room.

I never saw him again. Yet, ironically, every time I look into my son's eyes, I see Michael. It's crazy how alike they are... they are both dirty blond & blue-eyed with similar body types, personalities and intellects. But the most stunning similarity has to be their eyes, though... the most exquisite, unique mix of ocean blue & green. In fact, I remember what my friend Sue said to me when she heard the news of Michael's death: He had the most beautiful eyes, and you never wanted him to look away once you caught his gaze. Coincidently when most people look into my son's eyes, they've felt that same magical pull.

I never understood the magnificent power of love until I held my son in my arms for the very first time. And I never truly felt grief until I experienced it with my sister. I will forever wonder why the circle of life in 1998 had to include our two sons. Still, every year, on the day before my son's birthday, I sit alone in the dark and rub my leg. Then I wink as I blow a kiss to my son's guardian angel.

Mothering & the opposite sex

There is one thing I know for sure... that there are women in this world who are meant to be mothers. And there are women who are meant to be mothers of boys. The same holds true for mothers of girls, of which I am not... Thank goodness!

I remember a time when I was having lunch with a friend and her daughter, when out of the blue the little girl became upset. Her whines quickly turned to tears. I was baffled, bewildered, and unequivocally puzzled. I could feel panic swelling in my gut. My pulse raced and my eyes darted from side to side in terror. What happened? Did I miss something? What changed this sweet little girl into a sobbing, blubbering mess in the blink of an eye?

You see I have boys, and they don't whine. They seldom cry, unless they are seriously hurt. I mean physically in pain. Like a limb is broken or a finger is caught in the door. Or they've fallen out of a tree or they've taken a ball to the groin. Now don't get me wrong - they throw fits and tantrums, but it doesn't remotely sound like the whining you hear from girls. When I think about being a mother of two boys, I know that it was my destiny. There is no way on earth I would ever be able to function under the pressure of whining.

On the other hand, when I do [or review] homework with my oldest son, I need to remember to take an extra dose of Valium in order to keep my composure. News flash: men & women do not think alike, or perform at the same level. Yet, because I am a detail oriented (okay, okay ... anal) person, I expect him to produce very meticulous, very neat and very accurate work. He, on the other hand, will spend the least amount of time to complete a task. Neatness is not his forte. And if you ask him, directions are for pansies and it's an abdominal waste of time to check over your work. Needless to say, this drives me craaaazy! He could be an exemplary student if he gave it more effort.

But he's a typical boy and no matter how hard I ride him, we will never see eye to eye. It's human nature for the opposite sex to be, well, opposite. I just need to relax, give him some space and pray that he will get superior guidance from his teachers, and his father.

Grateful to be me

Ever get the feeling that there's more out there that you are missing out on? There are days that I am plagued by this nagging thought and then there's the norm: living day to day not really thinking, feeling or caring what else is out there, just thankful that I have an ordinary life with two healthy children, one great husband, a quaint warm home, a garage of reliable vehicles, food on the table, and a steady job.

Yesterday as I was working there were several women who caught my eye because they looked so stylish and put-together. I felt pangs of envy. There I was in my 2nd-hand boring khakis, unflattering red polo shirt and an ugly black sweater that keeps the chill off. My make-up, which is applied very haphazardly most morning because I'm often racing the clock to ensure that the kids have all that they need for the day, was smudging. My hair was drooping and looking pretty drab. I try to make an concerted effort every day to accessorize myself and my mousy mop, but I just don't have the money, the flair or the time to make myself look like the cover of Vogue.

Yes I'm in a funk. Lately I've been eating like crazy, trying to fill some kind of void. My closet is full of clothes that I've owned for decades, nothing new or remotely tantalizing. In fact I've worn the same two pair of jeans for 3 years now and they are starting to wear so thin that I wonder if they'll hold up in the next wash. I don't like the way I look lately. All I want is for some fairy godmother to wave her magic wand over me and turn me into Cinderella Mom.

But here's the reality check: only I have that control. So today I made myself a promise: I will count my blessing before I get out of bed and remember how very lucky I am to be me, faults & all!

I Wish...

A dear friend of mine lead me to a website where the author posts an images then writes a prompt so visitors to her site will creatively compose a comment.

That day the dandelion was the image and the prompt was " Quick... make a wish!" So here was mine:

My wish is that my family stays forever connected and embraced by harmony, that my sons live happy successful lives enriched by deep rapports with those who lead them from temptation & negativity, that we grow to fully appreciate all of the things that we have without tainting our heart with envy, that we continue to live long healthy lives and offer support & kindness to those who need us, that we respect our world and all of it's inhabitant regardless of race color or creed, and finally that we put joy & peace above all else.

Here is the site: http://picturespoetryprose.blogspot.com/ Check it out and get inspired!

The Winter Blah Blah Blahs

Winter is fast approaching and with that comes the gripes & complaints about the weather. Bear in mind that I live in the North Country where the temperature often falls below freezing from now until April. If you don't like the weather here in the wintertime, you're gonna need to either renew your valium prescription or move to a new zip code. Face it, the weather here is often bitter cold, blustery & moderately snowy.

I work with the public and sometimes I wish I were deaf so I wouldn't have to hear people complaining about snow & the cold. In fact, I would be filthy rich if I had a nickel for every time someone complained about both! The forecast tomorrow is for cold temps and possible snow showers; nothing serious, but you'd think they were forecasting a freaking blizzard by the moans & groans I heard today.

So I say find something to enjoy about the winters instead of kvetching about the weather. There's plenty to do outdoors and in the snow: ice skating, snowshoeing, downhill skiing, sledding, snowmobiling, ice fishing, snowball fights, dog sledding, x-country skiing, building snowmen and playing pond hockey! When I was a kid, we went ice skating on an outdoor rink, sledding at the country club and downhill skiing every Sunday at a local ski resort. We dug tunnels through the snow and had massive neighborhood snowball wars. Afterwards we'd always warm up with a steaming cup of hot cocoa topped off with tons of marshmallows!

If you don't enjoy being outdoors, go to the library, write letters (not emails), go to the movies, knit a scarf, go bowling, join a gym, go to an indoor pool or waterpark, play tennis, racquetball, volleyball, basketball, walleyball or even soccer. Do something to take your mind off how cold it is outdoors. And for godsakes, don't talk about the weather UNLESS you have something positive to say.

Lastly remember how fortunate we are here in the Northeast not to have weather related calamities like hurricanes, tsunamis, tornadoes, twisters, heatwaves, earthquakes, mudslides, wildfires, or even avalanches. Meanwhile enjoy the world around you and give snow a chance!

p.s. Thanksgiving is only two weeks away, so I want you all to find something to be thankful for regarding the climate where you live then practice that everyday, especially when you're in the checkout line!

Comfort & Joy

If you've ever fallen in love at first sight, you'll know what I'm talking about. Like Cupid's arrow piercing your heart, you are completely swept off your feet, utterly speechless and totally transfixed. You loose sleep, your mind races and you are literally obsessed with thoughts of this object of your affection. For me, it's happened twice, and both times I fell hard over a kitten.

Some of you probably think I'm absolutely wacko, but the rapport I had with my cat Chloe was like no other. She was truly unique and she touched my heart in a way no human ever had, until I had children that is. I remember seeing her for the first time and knowing instantly that she had to be mine. But Hubby had other plans. We already had a kitten and having another wasn't on his agenda. So we got in our cars and drove away, leaving her to fend for herself in the wild (okay... the barn) with her littermates. I couldn't stop thinking about her! So I pulled over about 1o minutes down the road and told Hubby that I was going back to get her. That was one of many times I got my stubborn little way when Hubby said otherwise, but he'll admit that I was right this time. Chloe cast an even bigger spell on him; he was absolutely gaa-gaa over her!

This past Labor Day weekend, when we stood over the hole in our backyard to bury her in, we both wept with tremendous grief. I couldn't bear to watch him toss the first shovelful of dirt on her lifeless body so I turned away for a moment, then helped Hubby gingerly prepare the site for the lilac bush & a pretty stone marker we chose as a memorial. For days we went about our daily routine in an oblivious stupor, racked with sadness over the loss of our "child". I'd come home from work hoping that I'd find her curled up on her favorite chair, only to find it empty. Then one day as I was sitting at the computer, I heard her bell! I felt my heart jump as I turned around to look for her. My eyes filled with tears and my heart grew heavy as I realized that one of the boys just accidently bumped the post we hung her collar on. That night as I lay in bed with my youngest, I sobbed in the darkness as beautiful memories of her scrolled in my mind.

Then one day I told my husband that I wanted to get the boys a kitten for Christmas. He knew what I really meant, though... that I want to get a kitten for ME so I could break the misery of grief I was being swallowed by. A few days later, Hubby asked me if we should get two kittens, to which I abruptly replied "NO WAY!" Then later that week, his parents also suggested that I look for a pair of sister for the boys. So I relented, and started thinking that two would be twice as better for my achey breaky heart.

Thus I began desperately seeking the purrfect puffballs for the boys. If I looked early enough, there was no doubt my Christmas plan would work. I had everything all laid out perfectly... how they would arrive on Christmas Day and be presented to the boys in their beautifully decorated boxes, a note attached from Santa explaining to them how Chloe helped him choose them, red ribbons carefully tied around their necks with name tags: Comfort & Joy.

Chloe had always provided the boys comfort in times of hurt & pain, and joy whenever she allowed them to hold her. Now Santa was going deliver what Chloe had always given them; something with tidings of comfort & joy. They just arrived about 9 weeks too early and their names were Pixie (Comfort) & Moxie (Joy). Now our house is again a very happy, joyful, comfortable, humble abode!

Merry Christmas boys .... Love ~ Chloe

Brothers & Sisters

Well it happened... My tummy fluttered with a million butterflies, my heart raced and my palms got sweaty. I fell in love! Once I looked at that gorgeous face, my mind was made up. I knew that if I waited, it would be too late. I had to act fast. So last week I made the first move, with my husband's blessing.

I never thought it would happen this soon. My heart has been hurting since August and I had prepared myself that I might never find another one who could touch my heart again. But I believe in love at first sight and when I first saw the ad and the picture, I was smitten.

As you might remember, I have been looking for kittens for the boys for Christmas. Well I scoured the internet, the want ads, & the local shelter. I sent e-mails to friends and spread the word at work & at school. Hubby thought I was crazy and truthfully I was... well more obsessed than crazy, but I had to find the perfect kitten by Christmas. And I was willing to travel as far as Pennsylvania, if I had to, to find her. Luckily I just had to cross the lake.

Last Thursday I called the shelter to make sure she hadn't gone home with someone else and was told that she was still looking for a family to love, in addition to her sister. I talked to the shelter manager for about an hour, explaining everything to her. She agreed to let me adopt these two 9-week old kittens although they had not yet been spayed. So the next day I went to sign the papers and meet these precious sisters face to face.

It was Halloween so I decided that we would surprise the boys after they came home from trick or treating. But things got a little mixed-up and the shelter couldn't release the kittens until the next day. When they finally did come home, I had to hide them from the boys in my bedroom until their friends went home. Now we hoped that we could pull off some kind of birthday surprise for them, instead of Halloween or Christmas. (Their birthdays fall on 10/29 & 11/21)

Well everything was working out perfectly UNTIL my youngest walked in on me. He saw one of the kittens scamper under the bed. I quickly escorted him back to his room where he & his buddy had all of his Halloween candy splayed across the floor. He kept asking me what "that" was... of course I lied and said "What was what? It was probably just a huge dust bunny." (I'm not the queen of clean, so it could be true!) Well he wasn't convinced and kept telling me it looked like an orange kitten. I buckled under the pressure and swore him to secrecy. For the next 3 hours we managed to keep it a secret from his older brother but somehow all of the friends got in on the ploy, too.

Eventually we unveiled the surprise to our oldest, not at all in the way that I had planned. Yet in the end, it never really mattered. The brothers finally have sisters! And the sisters love their new home, even if they each have to share a room with their brother. These two little girls have literally stolen our hearts and have made our sons laugh harder than I have heard them laugh in years. As for me and Hubby, we are in love all over again, just like we were when we took home our first fuzzy baby back in 1993.

MOXIE, the orange puffball that made my heart skip a beat!

PIXIE, the sweet frisky fraidy cat who loves to hide on the towel rack!