The best job I've ever had

I originally posted this on MySpace, so now I'll repeat it here.

You will find as you look back upon your life, that the moments when you have really lived, are the moments when you have done things in the spirit of love.
~ Henry Drummond

I firmly believe down deep in my heart that the first time I ever felt the true meaning of unconditional love was the moment I gave birth to my first baby.

When I was pregnant with my second child, I wondered how I could EVER love this next child as much as the first. I cried many tears before my little guy came into my world because I didn't want the magic that I had with baby number one to end or become clouded.

But the love for each child is very unique; there are no favorites, just differences in how the love is connected and expressed.

More than a decade later, that love has deepened and intensified by the day. There are times that I don't like my children's behavior, but the love and respect I have for them will never diminish. It's etched deep in my soul.

What I know for sure is that I would give my life to spare my child any pain or grief. Being a mother is the most rewarding, and heart wrenching, relationship I have ever experienced. And the best job I've ever had!

The only thing I imagine that will exceed my love for my sons is the love I will have for my grandchildren. I am so looking forward to the day when my children experience their own unconditional love as a parent.

I hope that I'll live long enough to love my great-grandchildren, too! Meanwhile... I thank God for giving me the privilege of motherhood.

And to those who don't yet have children, I never believed the testimony of mothers who were smitten by their kids, but believe me now when I say… the best is yet to come.

Live for today

Don't let time slip away, like sand through your fingers.

Leave nothing unspoken.

Hug them closer, tighter. Kiss them longer, sweeter.

Inhale the scent of their hair, their skin, their being.

Memorize the beauty of their soul, the sound of their voice, the feel of their skin, the sparkle in their eyes.

It may be the last memory you have

So do it today, right now, before it's too late. Tell someone you love that you love them back.

Jo Dee Messina

My Wish for the Wall

Another one of my posts that I originally published on "MySpace". I wanted to share it with all of you. By the way... Happy Valentine's Day, friends. May your heart feel love & joy throughout the year.

I had never heard of the wishing wall in Israel until today. One of my co-workers is taking a trip to Israel and she asked me if I wanted to give her a wish for the wall. Evidently when you go to this sacred place, people write down their deepest desires, hopes, prayers and/or dreams on bits of paper, then stick them into a crack in the wall. It is believed that the wall is sacred and blessed, therefore your wish is believed to have miraculous power to come true. So although I was at work, I gave it a bit of thought and came up with this wish:

My deepest wish is that my family and children experience a long healthy life accentuated with peace, love, joy, harmony, prosperity, forgiveness, poise, loyalty and perseverance.

May they live unselfishly in the process of making a positive impact, change or difference on society and the world.

So that's my wish. I hope it, even remotely, comes true. I know about 10 years ago, that wish would have been much much different than it is today because I didn't have children then. I probably would have wished for enormous wealth and celebrity. But money and fame are no longer priorities on my list anymore. I am comfortable with the person I am without those. My children and my family are my main focus now. If I had to sacrifice everything for their happiness and health, I would do so without hesitation. The power of a mother's love is incomprehensible and invincible. And I know that I am a more successful woman today as a part-time grocery clerk & full-time wife and mother than Oprah will ever be, because I have touched the lives of my own flesh & blood.

Reach Out and Touch

Saturday January 17th was just an ordinary day for most of us. Our family went skiing in the morning and then just hung out at home for the rest of the day. My oldest son invited a friend over. We all spent several hours playing games, laughing and having fun, then ordered out for pizza. Little did we know that just a few miles away, another family was devastated by tragedy. Ironically that family was someone both of these boys knew; it was one of their classmates (and one of their school’s bus drivers, too). Fire destroyed the house, the car, a pet and everything they owned inside.

When I learned about the fire, my husband and I were preparing to bring our boys to Boston for a Bruins game, something we had planned for months and were very excited about. But in that moment, my heart grew heavy and a deep feeling of guilt about my day, my home, my family, and my life clouded my joy. Sporadically throughout the day I was nagged by sadness, helplessness and distress. I wanted to reach out and make it all better.

Later that week, as my son & I drove home in the dark from our monthly date, I showed him the house. Ever since I heard about the fire, I had frequently talked to “LJ” about how it destroyed everything this family had, yet I knew that only seeing it with his own eyes would allow him to fully comprehend the extent of the loss. I pulled into the driveway and flicked on the high beams. Light spilled over what used to be a cherished home. Now all we saw was a pile of ice-covered rubble.

He was speechless. I knew that he was holding back tears. (“LJ” is very fond of the woman who owned this house. She was his kindergarten bus driver and they still exchange many hugs, smiles & waves.) Finally he spoke and his words sent a chill down my spine. “Mom”, he said, “what were we doing Saturday when this fire happened?” I reminded him about our day. He then somberly said “ … so when B & I were laughing & having fun, D & Mrs. R were crying as they watched their house burn down!”

As a mom I know that it’s important to spare & protect my children from harm & turmoil, and yet I am wise enough to know that it is also my responsibility to expose them to things that touch their soul, no matter how difficult. This will ensure that these lessons are learned, absorbed and humanized. It is my hope that their hearts will forever be open and their hands will always reach out to those who are less fortunate.

Brothers & Sisters

Well it happened... My tummy fluttered with a million butterflies, my heart raced and my palms got sweaty. I fell in love! Once I looked at that gorgeous face, my mind was made up. I knew that if I waited, it would be too late. I had to act fast. So last week I made the first move, with my husband's blessing.

I never thought it would happen this soon. My heart has been hurting since August and I had prepared myself that I might never find another one who could touch my heart again. But I believe in love at first sight and when I first saw the ad and the picture, I was smitten.

As you might remember, I have been looking for kittens for the boys for Christmas. Well I scoured the internet, the want ads, & the local shelter. I sent e-mails to friends and spread the word at work & at school. Hubby thought I was crazy and truthfully I was... well more obsessed than crazy, but I had to find the perfect kitten by Christmas. And I was willing to travel as far as Pennsylvania, if I had to, to find her. Luckily I just had to cross the lake.

Last Thursday I called the shelter to make sure she hadn't gone home with someone else and was told that she was still looking for a family to love, in addition to her sister. I talked to the shelter manager for about an hour, explaining everything to her. She agreed to let me adopt these two 9-week old kittens although they had not yet been spayed. So the next day I went to sign the papers and meet these precious sisters face to face.

It was Halloween so I decided that we would surprise the boys after they came home from trick or treating. But things got a little mixed-up and the shelter couldn't release the kittens until the next day. When they finally did come home, I had to hide them from the boys in my bedroom until their friends went home. Now we hoped that we could pull off some kind of birthday surprise for them, instead of Halloween or Christmas. (Their birthdays fall on 10/29 & 11/21)

Well everything was working out perfectly UNTIL my youngest walked in on me. He saw one of the kittens scamper under the bed. I quickly escorted him back to his room where he & his buddy had all of his Halloween candy splayed across the floor. He kept asking me what "that" was... of course I lied and said "What was what? It was probably just a huge dust bunny." (I'm not the queen of clean, so it could be true!) Well he wasn't convinced and kept telling me it looked like an orange kitten. I buckled under the pressure and swore him to secrecy. For the next 3 hours we managed to keep it a secret from his older brother but somehow all of the friends got in on the ploy, too.

Eventually we unveiled the surprise to our oldest, not at all in the way that I had planned. Yet in the end, it never really mattered. The brothers finally have sisters! And the sisters love their new home, even if they each have to share a room with their brother. These two little girls have literally stolen our hearts and have made our sons laugh harder than I have heard them laugh in years. As for me and Hubby, we are in love all over again, just like we were when we took home our first fuzzy baby back in 1993.

MOXIE, the orange puffball that made my heart skip a beat!

PIXIE, the sweet frisky fraidy cat who loves to hide on the towel rack!

Christmas Kittens

Back in 1990 when I met my husband, I knew in my heart that I had found the right man to spend the rest of my life with. Although we are two very different people, the old adage holds true... opposites do attract because we have very similar feelings and beliefs about life. It didn't take much time at all for me to see the sensitive side of my husband. And that's ultimately what brought us to now; married 10 years, proud parents of two wonderful sons, a house in the suburbs, and one happy barn cat.

I'll never forget the first time my husband demonstrated his teddy bear personality... Back then I was a glamor puss who wore high heels, big hair and lots of bling. Hubby, on the other hand, was more down to earth, outdoorsy and simple. He invited me to go camping for the weekend with some of his friends in a remote part of northern New Hampshire. We drove there in dark during a torrential thunderstorm, which to me was somewhat romantic because I love storms of all kinds. Little did I know that this was actually a primitive camping trip, which meant no rustic cabin to nestle up in to listen to the rain, not to mention no running water, no bathroom and no shower. When we got there, Hubby pitched the tent all by himself, gathered firewood and built a roaring fire, all in the still pouring rain. He put my pretty pumps by the fire to dry while he got the bedding ready to snuggle in. The next day was gorgeous and we fished & swam in the crystal clear lake all day. That night the sky was lit up by a blanket of twinkling stars and we laid on the dock talking for hours. This was my first sign that I had found Mr. Right.

Then he saved an animal's life. We were driving down the road toward his family's lakefront property. (Now, don't get all green with envy... it's merely a piece of land on the lake; no house, no cabin, no lodge, no outhouse either! Just land, but still a treasured plot right on the lake.) Anyway, I was reading (something I have always done in the car) and all of a sudden the car veers sharply toward the ditch. Then it stops and Hubby gets out. When he returns, I ask him what happened. "There was a turtle crossing the road; I just helped it along..." This is typical Hubby behavior. In fact last Saturday he swerved to miss hitting a woolly bear caterpillar!

In 1993, we found the perfect little place in the country to call our own. Only we decided a week later that, despite having all the comforts of home, we were still missing something. The hunt was on. With his blessing, I searched the classified & bulletin boards around town. Still nothing fit right. So the next day I went to the shelter and there it was! A perfect black & white ball of fuzz named Fax. Yet they wouldn't me take her. I was crushed and told Hubby through a river of tears how perfectly Fax would have fit in our nest. Well apparently God had other plans for us, because we eventually brought home Vernie, then his beautiful half-sister Chloe.

As it turned out Vernie was our problem child, an adorable black furball with claws! Chloe was a gorgeous Maine Coon sweetheart who we nicknamed Brat Pea because she was so reluctant to ever be seen. Vernie was always willing to be around you, but you could NEVER pick him up without risking life & limb. Chloe never wanted to be in the limelight, much less your lap, but always allowed you to cuddle & caress her. The boys absolutely adored her! She was the love of their lives. This patient plump feline was the pride & joy of our family. She would lessen any bump, bruise or heartache any of us, especially the boys, ever felt.

Sadly Vernie died last summer. But the loss really resurrected Chloe. She seemed to come out of the shadows and often strutted queenly around the house, (but only when the kids were gone... she was still pretty leary of them) flicking her tail flirtatiously, begging us for attention. Words cannot adequately describe the spell Chloe cast upon all of us. We were fully & completely mesmerized by her. She was special. One of a kind. An unforgettable gift. We knew she would live forever because nothing could ever take her away from us. Nothing!

Yet we were wrong. One day this summer, I picked her up to nuzzle her adorable face and listen to her motor run. But something was different; she was skinny! She used to be a fat 13 pound ball of fluff, now she was only about half that. I called the vet to have her checked out. The news was good; she was just a healthy old lady who needed to be handled with extra care. So we changed her food, gave her vitamins, and loved her more tenderly. Despite all that, she began to loose the sparkle in her eye. And so I called the vet again, but this time I made the ultimate sacrifice, the only humane thing that was left to do. I made the appointment to have her put down. I have never lost someone in my life that I loved so unconditionally. Yes, she was a pet. But to us she was our daughter, our sister, our beloved cure-all. It's been hard on the boys. They miss her fiercely, as do my husband & I! Not a day goes by that either Hubby or me don't wish that she was curled up snugly in her favorite chair by the woodstove, waiting for one of us to caress her gorgeous coat then wait for her beautiful song to pierce the soft silence.

We understand that we will never ever be able to replace our precious little bratty girl, yet we want the boys to again experience the unconditional love that pets bestow on their owners. This time, we are hoping to introduce a kitten into our family, so that the boys can grow up with a little lovebug from infancy. We'd like to start the process now so that, by Christmas, everything will proceed smoothly without delay. So we ask that you pray for us... that we will find the perfect Christmas angel for our empty nest.

I've been incessantly searching the papers, the internet and the shelters for the perfect kitten but have yet had my heart flutter with the butterflies one feels when they experience love at first sight. I'll know when I lay eyes on her that the time is right, that our hearts are truly ready, that this is the one Chloe sent from heaven to fill the void she left behind.

Christmas is such a magical time, one that evokes undying memories of special times & perfect presents. I work very hard to create a wonderment of charm and excitment when it comes to Christmas. And this year I truly have my work cut out for me. Yet I have decided to succumb to the will of God. If it is meant to be, He will deliver. And something tells me that she will be bursting with comfort & joy!