It wasn't meant to be a trick question

I've always believed that if you want answers, you have to ask direct questions. So I did. And she didn't respond.

I'm frustrated by the imbalance between being a full-time mother and being a part-time peon. They've known for eight years that I will never compromise my family's needs and it was never an issue.

But, all of a sudden, something has changed. Of course, it's the corporate office's fault. Corporate Office = highly-paid-know-it-all-bean-counting-fat-cat-hot-shots.

If I didn't need to work, I'd tell them where they can shove their "corporate" excuses then never look back. But, in this dismal economy, with everyone around me losing their jobs left & right, I know I need to suck it up for now, work the crappy shifts I get, & pretend it doesn't bother me.

What effing annoys me about the whole thing is that we had a similar conversation less than 8 weeks ago. Everything was hunky dory then. We were on the same page. She understood what & why my priorities are because "when [her] kids were young, [she] made motherhood a top priority, too."

Fast forward to the last 3 weeks, when the schedules were posted and the prime shifts (that used to have my name on them) were given to the new cashiers, one that has been there only 2 weeks!

Did I mention I've been there 8 years? Evidently, seniority counts for absolutely nothing. I suppose Corporate wrote that bullcrap policy, too.

So I've got a new strategy. As of tomorrow, I will only be able to work my required 20 hours over three days thereby satisfying the policy regarding my benefit classification. Period. No more. No less.

And if that doesn't work, maybe I need to have a little conversation with the District Manager the next time we meet at the ballpark and get HER take on this.

Meanwhile I'll remind myself of this philosophy :

Determination gives you the resolve to keep going

in spite of the roadblocks that lay before you.

~Denis Waitley

Are you there God? It's me, Lisa. Chapter 2

Hi there,
If you can hear me, I need your help again. I can feel the pot starting to simmer and I don't want any of us to get burned. So I hope you'll help guide us away from the ugly vibe I can sense. In other words, make sure that we don't let ourselves boil over the edge.

Sometimes we can all take it too seriously and get caught up in the excitement, forgetting the what matters most. I know we're not the only ones, but it can be so frustrating and all of us end up feeling miserable.

We remember our own parents telling us that life isn't always fun or fair. Now, today, we find ourselves delivering this same "reality check" speech. Yet somehow our message fails to ease the disappointment and can actually fan the flames of self-pity.

Dreams, especially those of children, can often outweigh the scale of reality. But without the dream, many of us would never venture outside our comfort zone. Failure, even by the smallest of margins, must not diminish the glory of the effort.

The lesson we want the boys to learn is that most of us fail before we succeed, and all of us have felt disappointment along the way. Yet it is how one faces defeat that is the true measure of character.

So please, God, whisper in our ear (or shout if we don't hear you the first couple times) how to effectively teach our sons the value of grace & dignity, and how we can soothe the inevitable wounds of despair.

Are you there God? It's me, Lisa... Chapter 1

Hi there,
I know we don't talk much but this time I really need a friend. I hope you're listening because I don't know what to do.

You see things get a little tempestuous around here and sometimes, no matter what we do, nothing works to calm the storm. We've tried being patient, talking calmly, trying to reason... that made us look soft. We've tried tough love, being extra firm, and taking the no-nonsense approach... that made us look mean. We've tried loss of privileges, various consequences, even bold threats... that was a battle of the wills.

So we live day to day bracing ourselves for another wave, hoping the damn won't break. Some days it's hard to find the strength to keep building. And, as time goes on, the struggle gets more & more intense and our strength less & less resilient.

I know I've asked before, but can you please help him understand our goals and why we set boundaries & limits. There is acrimony in his voice when he talks, especially to the little bird, so communication is difficult. This often causes friction and discord, which ends up making us all miserable.

So, God, if you can hear me, please send an angel...