I just want to go first, not after them. Like my sister.
For many parents, it's our greatest fear; outliving our children. And for me it became a reality I witnessed with ironic torment. I had just barely given birth to my first child when my sister's first child was taken.
To this day, I am still rattled by the cruelty of this vicious cycle. There are days that the reality floods over me like a tidal wave, knocking me down, sucking out my breath, choking me as I swallow the filthy water of his death.
I miss him and wonder, especially as I spend time with his siblings, what he'd be doing with his life today had the chord not been cut.
Like a crescendo, his music stopped. The song remains the same, but the melody is different ~ more melancholy.
Our world changed forever. And no matter how many years pass, our ears will always ring with the sound of his silence.
Now, as I lay quietly next to them in their restful slumber, listening to the rhythm of their gently breathing, I pray that my sons will be bound for a long, productive journey, with me & Hubby watching in the wings, until the day our music stops.
Happy Memorial Day